Learning to Relax

The journey to relaxation is a difficult one. I have come to learn that I am not good at relaxing. This can actually be a blessing in disguise. But once in a while, when I have a little too much time, when I have a short list of obligations, I actually start to go a little crazy. Sometimes I daydream about living on an island somewhere, or in the mountains, just spending days left to my own devices- spending time creating, reading, cooking, relaxing. I think how nice that would be.

But then I realize that I would quickly go insane. I need assignments, I need obligations, I need to be needed. I need to have chores, errands, homework, conflicts. Or else I can get cranky. Sure, I can spend a few days just reading what I want to read, sleeping in, being lazy, doing inconsequential things. But as I'm doing these things, there's always a little part of me that's worried about what I am going to do next. God forbid I run out of things to do!

At this point in the summer I'm in limbo. I've had a great summer and I've kept myself relatively busy most of the time with fun things and some work. But now I'm only a couple of weeks away from school and I'm anticipating a time that I am going to be so busy, and life is going to change as I know it now. I'm looking forward to it. But at the same time, I'm looking forward to it, and in the meantime I am a little panicked about the lack of activity in my life at present. It's just a tiny lull, but my mind is humming with activity, a little nervousness, and a lot of excitement. This combination can be a little bit crappy.

It's okay though. I am coming to grips with the fact that I will have tons to do in a few weeks, but there's not much I can really do about it right now. In the meantime, I am doing what I can to burn off my excess energy- working out, and reading A LOT, and generally keeping busy in the silly little ways that I can. I am trying to enjoy it, because I know I'll be missing it soon enough.