So this is the new year,
and I don't feel any different.
For some reason, these lines from one of my favorite Death Cab for Cutie songs come to mind, as it has for the past few years.
But for once, I want it to feel different.
Yesterday morning, New Years Eve morning, I woke up with a terrible feeling in my stomach. Turns out I had some sort of bug. I also ended up not having any plans, so as a result I hid out in my room and fell asleep before the stroke of midnight.
Though it was a little depressing to be stuck in bed on New Years Eve, it occurred to me that this time last year, I probably would have forced myself to go out and do something, just for the sake of being able to say that I did.
So, through all the difficulties, loneliness, and stress of this year, I have learned that simply being comfortable enough to say, "You know what, I'm going to stay in. I don't feel good," is something good that came out of this year.
I went through a lot of experiences that forced me to grow up in 2009 (some bad- a nasty breakup, some good- six weeks on my own in London), and though I didn't end 2009 on the most positive of notes, I can definitely say that I truly feel things will only get better in 2010. After all, I've got goals, I've got personal strength, I've got some wonderful friends and family, and I've gotten through some trying times a little worse for wear, but I'm still pushing through. I've got perseverance, and as long as I've got that, I've got nothing to worry about. I'm so proud of myself for staying true to who I am through most of this year, especially recently.
I don't want to be naive and say that 2010 will be the best year of my life, because it might not be, and why pressure myself to end up disappointed at the end? Chances are, some really great things will happen, and some really hard things will happen. Either way, things will change, I will grow even more (hopefully just mentally and not physically!), and I will be in an entirely different place in my life by 12/31/10. So much can happen in a year, and it's always the things that you don't plan on happening to you that end up being the most influential. That is also something I've learned. For all challenges I've been through in 2009, many of them have been unanticipated. Little things turned out to be big things. People I thought would be there for me ended up letting me down, and people I thought I would lose touch with ended up becoming the dearest of friends. Funny how that goes.
This year, I think, will be a year of big changes.
I'm graduating from Boston University in May.
I'm moving back home.
I am (hopefully) going to make it into grad school for Social Work in the New York City area.
Then I will be moving into said city eventually.
I have one more semester to go, and then its time to start a whole new phase of my life that will be completely different.
And I am SO ready for a new scene.
Bring it on 2010!
(bedazzled oven mit?)